I learned that independence is not a solo journey. That sharing myself does not mean giving myself away. I learned that compromise is strength, not weakness. That holding on feels exponentially better than holding back. That freedom is not the opposite of commitment, but a commitment in itself. I learned that love is liberation and not constraint. And that I should stop looking and start seeing, I should stop running away and start running towards.
He tells me how he feels ashamed as he explained his struggle to find the right words to express his love for me. Behind every cliché line and overused metaphors he scribbled on the Christmas card he gave, I know there is something so precious between us that language itself can’t name. So I treasure every word he gives me like they are pieces of himself, because, goddamit, at least he tries.
He feels that his failure is more devastating to him than it is to you. So when you find him with his fists in his hair and his heart in his mouth, remind him that his worth is not in his words alone but in his heart, and you wouldn’t have him any other way.
When he’s drained and consumed, love him most. When he feels defeated and ready to give up, love him so much that you bring to life every cell in his that has almost died.
On some days, when the fog and the sun and the wind dance just so, you’ll see flickers of gold through cracks in the clouds, like fine knife cuts, like the stories I carved into my arms as a teenager, quiet and symmetrical, violent and beautiful, as if holding their breath, until light finally bursts in a slow, blinding yellow ripple along the horizon. And on those days, if you forget the roles you play, and the promises you broke, and the lovers you left waiting, if you let yourself be small and breakable and infinite for one second, you will be able to see the sunrise smile.
I hope you are never too busy to watch the sunrise smile.
#bemymuse 32 33 – Clouds as requested by @_annie._.boo, beautiful as requested by @lonpoetry
Know when it’s time to give up. Treat yourself like the QUEEN that you are. There is nothing noble about unrequited love. You deserve so much more. You’re not a vulture. Don’t prey on a weak body that’s too tired to love you back.
#bemymuse 31 – as requested by @ejpchua and @kris_ennn
Let my collarbone be your confessional. Leave your d e m o n s here. I will cradle them between my shoulder blades. Let the bed be sweat-stained, fear-stained, sin-stained, and shaking for the hundred and one reasons you never had the courage to name. I will drink the venom of your tragedy and turn it into spring water in our throats. You are safe.
I have been so disconnected with IG lately. I’m so terribly sorry. I’ve never felt so overwhelmed with my life. From adjusting to a new job just a few months ago, to moving and finding another job while thinking, gosh will this job hunting ever end, I’m too old for this! And then finally finding one along with the prospect of a new love, then evaluating it if it’s really for me, but then deciding I deserve better things so I had to give up the job along with the guy 💔 sigh I know.
I read somewhere that we can have everything! Just not at the same time. It’s been a roller coaster so far! But I believe in timing and in my capabilities.
I’m thankful that I was patient and courageous enough to wait for what I deserve. I’ve finally found the job that I’m happy with.
As for love, well, that will come eventually. I’m not waiting, nor am I looking – what will be 🎶 will be.